How I Overcame Suicidal Despair: My 5 Go-To Strategies for a Happier Life

emotional intelligence

Despite facing depression and attempting suicide twice before the age of 21, I manage to live a happy life today by feeding myself daily with content that makes me feel good. This way I fill up my emotional bank account and cultivate a mindset that embraces positivity without just ignoring and glossing over the negatives in life.

I’m not a Pollyanna; I’m honest about my feelings and express what’s true for me.

People who meet me often presume I am just a positive person and they are shocked when they hear my story.

As leaders, visionaries, CEO's and business owners statistically we carry more stress than our 9-5 counterparts. If we don't learn how to handle this stress and the low emotional states it triggers we can stunt our business growth and even destroy our business's completely.

To help me stay sane and mentally healthy and happy I have established a simple 30 minute habit of learning and growing everyday. I think this habit has not only saved my business it has also saved my life.

I like to think of this daily habit as taking my happy medicine. Just like you wouldn't learn to swim when you are drowning, you don't want to wait till you feel sad, overwhelmed or down to focus on filling yourself up with joy. It's important to learn this habit now and to nurture it when you are feeling joy so that you can draw from it's reserve when you most need to.

I firmly believe that everyone can cultivate more joy everyday by taking their happy medicine too.

Navigating Life's Challenges

My habit of learning and growing is a non-negotiable now after years of practice. By building up my reserve I can draw on it when life hits me face on like it did last year.

In 2023 I experienced the loss of both my father, who suffered from Huntington’s disease for over a decade, and my father-in-law, who bravely fought pancreatic cancer. Throughout these hardships, my habit of learning and growing has been my anchor, helping me stay present with my emotions and both allow and manage all the different feelings that showed up.

My daily learn and grow habit is a non-negotiable. It's a treat to launch me into my day that I look forward to.

Some days I search YouTube for an uplifting guided exercise or a self-help video around letting go. Other days I might focus on professional development and learning about a new piece of software or identifying my ideal client. I like to mix it up.

When we learn we increase feelings of confidence, clarity and boost our creativity. We fire up our passion and tap into our purpose. It's is amazing how good we can feel simply by learning and growing just a little everyday.

When I feel incredibly good I express it out loud without worrying if anyone hears me. My husband is used to hearing me say, “I feel so good right now.” This isn’t an every-minute-of-every-day feeling, but when it happens, I milk it for all it’s worth.

When you own these good feelings you invite more of them to show up.

Building the Muscle of Positivity

I wasn’t born with this mindset; it’s a muscle I’ve developed over decades. My Daily Momentum practice (which includes my habit of learning and growing) has been instrumental in this journey. I’ve become diligent about aligning my language with my feelings and catching myself when I start to dip into negative emotions. This practice has elevated my expectations and continued to raise my standards for myself and my business.

By learning and growing I’ve been able to let go of my old habits of rushing, pushing, and burning out. Now, when I feel sad, I ask questions that create traction, without forcing myself to change how I feel. Questions like, “What do I want?” and “How do I feel?” help open up possibilities for the future.

Shifting My Expectations and Using Emotional Intelligence

I used to be an expert at expecting the worst. I’d worry about potential outcomes, get angry about anticipated reactions, and feel sad about events before they even occurred. Unspoken expectations can leave us feeling unfulfilled and unproductive. Michael Neill’s podcast, Caffeine for the Soul, helped me understand that my negative thoughts were just a way of handling stress and fear. Now, instead of resorting to destructive habits, I use my emotional intelligence to bring myself back into my Zone of Greatness.

In the world of self-improvement and personal growth, emotional intelligence is one of the most recent breakthroughs. Dr. Travis Bradberry’s and Jean Greaves’s research published in their book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, offers deep insights and practical guidance to help us understand and upgrade our emotional intelligence—or, as they refer to it, EQ.
Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is defined by our ability to recognize and understand emotions in ourselves and other people and how well we use this awareness to manage our behavior and relationships. Emotional intelligence affects how we navigate social situations and scenarios. It also influences how we make personal and professional decisions and how well we achieve results.

By choosing to expect better outcomes, we shift our emotional state. Our expectations are our imagination in action. When we catch ourselves worrying, we can ask questions to redirect our thoughts and feelings. This practice allows us to create better responses to our emotions, leading to more fulfilling outcomes.

My 5 Go-To Strategies of a Happier Life

Here’s are some ideas to help you start shifting your expectations and harnessing the power of your imagination:

Take Your Emotional Temperature: Notice how you’re feeling right now. Are you feeling stressed or overwhelmed? Or are you in your Zone of Greatness, feeling good and positive? You can use the Emotional Thermometer I created to check-in and easily identify your feelings throughout the day. Click here to download The Emotional Thermometer.
Ask Yourself Questions: If you’re feeling low, ask yourself, “What do I want?” and “How do I feel?” Be honest and earnest in your answers. I created 21 Questions to help you shift your attention out of problem thinking and into solution thinking that you can download here. These questions are also on the back of all of the Momentum 30-Day and 90-Day Planners available in the shop.
Imagine Positive Outcomes: Use your imagination to picture a positive outcome for a situation you’re worried about. Instead of expecting the worst, visualize a few different scenarios. Ease into better feelings almost like climbing up the steps on a ladder one by one. You don't have to jump from the ground all the way to the top of the ladder in one full swoop. As Abraham Hicks likes to say "just find a better feeling thought."
Express Your Feelings: When you catch yourself feeling good, express it out loud. Say, “I feel so good right now,” and allow yourself to fully experience that positive emotion. Milk the joy. Just like you would focus on the pain from a stubbed toe for a few minutes after it happened, focus on the feelings of joy.
Adjust Your Expectations: Pay attention to your unspoken expectations. Most of the time we don't feel good it's because the reality or outcome we expected is not what we received. As visionaries and big thinkers often we can become disappointed if we don't acknowledge our expectations. Just asking what do I expect may be all it takes to insure that you don't set yourself up to be disappointed. Often when I do this I quickly see my expectations are ridiculous and I will laugh out loud. You can still think big, don't get me wrong. I'm just encouraging you to be honest about your expectations.

"Relying on the world around you for happiness will lead to disappointment. Your clients, customers, friends, family, and significant others are not reliable sources for your joy. Instead, cultivate a daily habit of learning, growing, and staying curious. By acknowledging your feelings and feeding your joy every day, you will build a reserve that can lift you up, no matter what is happening around you."

- Marianne | The Get it Done Diva

These simple exercises enable us to understand and boost our emotional intelligence allowing us to expect and create better futures. By taking our emotional temperature, asking the right questions, and using our imagination positively, we can shift our expectations and experience more moments of joy no matter what is going on in the world around us.

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